“You only live once but if you do it right, once is enough.” -Mae West
At a restaurant we visited, I saw and read this quote which is almost or all aphoristic depending on who you ask. It’s brilliant especially when people get stuck on what’s right on a soul shattering kind of level. Some questions I often ponder are:
Who are you? Who are you surrounded by? Who are you in a process of becoming / evolving?
What do you do for a life and/or a living? What’s your story? What makes you feel alive?
When did you stop doing what you love? When did you start doing what you love?
Where have you been? Where are you going?
Why?
How are you feeling? How are you thinking?
But always remember no matter the questions and conversations, “You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation”. (shout out to Plato!)
Have you ever noticed how a child’s face will come alive when they are doing something they love and enjoy? Even grown ups will light up when they are doing something they love.
People who love what they do and love who they are don’t take vacations from it or from themselves. It lights a fire within sparking up a joy that cannot ever be contained. In life, humans light each other up along the way like lining up dominoes and with one gentle nudge, each domino knocks into the other crashing and cascading down. Or like Pringos, “Once you pop, you can’t stop!” LOL
No one can ever take that purpose away once ignited. It cannot be faked, copied, or even categoried <– made up word. Be you and pass on your light of being. The greatest gift is the gift of oneself. One’s own transformation and change.
Who are you? Who are you becoming?
What are you?
When were you? When are you?
Where were you and where are you?
Why are you?
How are you?
Be and become. The light. The love. The joy. The hiccups. haha
While navigating life and growing: let’s be mindful and very cognizant of gaslighting phrases to recognize and heal from and through. Learn to recognize what and who is real. This is how we become. When you hear or have heard the following “gaslight” statements may it illuminate a “gaslight” and serve as a red flag to drive away, establish distance and fill your tank with what’s real. Here are those following “gaslights”.
That never happened.You remember that?I don’t remember that. That’s not how it happened. Then they spin it, flip it, manipulate it to fit themselves and it is truly incredulous. This makes you question your own very reality and memories. TRUST yourself. Your instincts and your memories. Denial and suppression could drive everyone mad. Don’t let it happen to you. Keep your voice even if it’s a whisper. For real! Truth always comes to light and when it does, trust the process and heal through the hurt.
You’re being too sensitive. Stop crying. Do you want me to give you something to cry for? When they dismiss your feelings or when you’re crying or even upset/mad, it’s a way to invalidate your emotions. Your feelings are are valid. Feel your feelings. Do not suppress. Remember that.
After all I’ve/we’ve done for you. This is such a classic and timeless guilt tripping tactic wrapped with a bow as gratitude and how you should feel so grateful. Remember this: You don’t owe anyone. Even further, you don’t owe them your life no matter what they’ve done. Keep your peace. Pay it forward.
No matter what, family comes first. **Only when family is healthy, responsible and mutually respectful. Otherwise, this is toxic and hard to swallow.
Bonus: not a statement but noticing and learning the sound of silence and distinguish the sounds of footsteps and what they could mean for you, tone of voice / facial expressions and what may be in store for you.
Lessons learned in the grand scheme of things that some people are broken and fragmented. But you don’t have to make excuses such as “that’s just the way they are”. And, look at you or who you are in a process of becoming, you learned (or are learning) not to make excuses for them or yourself.
Resilient, thankful, nonetheless for the life lessons learned along the way. Like forgiveness and letting go. And, in distance well disguised as boundaries when noticing / recognizing when a “gaslight” comes on.
All the lessons well learned. Heal. The only thing worth screaming is love, anyway. So love. Live. Peace. Light. Turn off the gas and turn the real light on. Light will always overpower darkness. Fill your bucket with truth and light, never emptying or giving away what’s real. What’s inside.
Before you buy a bunch of stuff for people for holidays or birthdays…ask them what kind of gift do they want or need? What do you want to give?
Do they need the gift of quality time? Do they need the gift of service? Do they need some affirmation? Do they need to dance? Do they need a meaningful gift?
Keep it simple and ask what they need. Listen carefully.
Do they need any help?
Do they need someone to listen over a cup of cocoa coffee tea?
Maybe they need a kid free night.
If it’s for a child…could it be something they really want to do?
Maybe they could use a home cooked meal.
Maybe they don’t know what to ask for or are too embarrassed to ask.
Maybe you can be the one who gives them what they need instead buying more stuff.
Maybe make something for them.
In fact, I wrote a book about this theme of too much stuff entitled:
It encourages donating stuff you no longer need or use. It also uses personification to bring humor to having too much stuff! We cannot take all of these things when we level up aka when we die. So, again, let’s ask: “presents or presence?”
Out of the three gifts we all possess, this little blog nugget will center on: the gift of time.
Please take a moment and take at least twenty minutes today and each day to do something with your kiddo. No commands, no goals, just be present in the moment. Give the gift of time and presence. We are here to become memories for them.
Shhhhh. Do not give directions. Be quiet and follow their lead. Listen. Actively listen. Really and truly listen. No interruptions. Just be in the moment. No questions asked.
Instead of asking: “What’s wrong with him or her?” Ask, “What happened to him or her?” This will help you guide and have a better relationship with the children and grown ups in your life.
In a society that is in a rush to label, diagnose fix and break, be the exact opposite, be the one who slows down to notice, show compassion and listen. Just be there through the tears, through the ups and the downs. Notice and be present. Love.
We are society and we can in fact, choose love, consistency and conversations where we listen more and talk less. Slow down, listen to what children are showing and sharing. You will find out exactly what they need, don’t need and in return what you need and what you don’t need.
Slow down. Turtles have a lot to teach us in this way. Not the ninja turtles but the ones who hold up traffic as they cross the street. Taking their time. One turtle paw at a time. One paw in front of the other. There are times to be a cheetah and there are times to be a turtle. Choose wisely.
Let’s talk. Wealth. Rich and Poor. While we teach our children to value what is inside of themselves: the who of what they are. Their being. Their essence. Others from outside will influence them or try to belittle them or what they care about at times, without even knowing it themselves. It tugs at their heart and their soul. Ours, too, just a little bit until we get the jolt back into what matters most. People. Relationships. Experiences. Memories. Time. Talent. Treasure.
Our son asked, “Hey mom, is my jacket expensive?” Quite frankly, it doesn’t even matter. These things, no matter the cost won’t matter in the next five minutes or even in the next five years. If it won’t matter in the next minutes, months or even years: who cares. It’s not the jacket but the memories we make in it that truly matter. While most of society will try to convince you that your worth is determined by what you have on, in real real reality, it doesn’t. What your life depends on is who you are, who you surround yourself with and what you care about. So, take care of yourself, others and your surroundings/your space then it ripples outward and onward changing lives for the better.
So, how much does your life cost? How much value and worth? Are you living poor in mindset? Have the courage to change it before it’s far too late. Don’t live for a too die for house. Don’t live for a too die for car.
Live for a too die for life.
Collect memories. Not things. Collect the times. Spend time well. Treasure it. We all have time, talent and treasure. It is how you define it. No one else. Love life. Live it well. Make it a life well spent. Spend life well. The currency is always strong when passionately and poetically lived.
“One can only travel the long way into the heart of another: the slow work of finding common ground, the careful discernment of grounds of admiration, the disciplines of kindness, encouragement, silence, and restraint. It takes a deliberate choice, renewed regularly, to love every human being one encounters.” (Zena Hitz)
If it’s worth it, it will not be easy… something like that Bob Marley said. A monk was also quoted previously in response to this question:
“What’s the hardest part about being a monk?” He said, “Other monks”.
What’s the hardest part about life and love?
Other people.
Isn’t that funny? Other people. We do not have control. We have control only over oneself. Only of ourselves and how we respond or how we do not respond to others.
They say the highest form of flattery is gossip. If you find yourself trembling off the lips of another it’s truly none of your business. Monks do not talk much as it’s well known. There is a reason for that. Self-discipline and restraint. Choose not to judge and just respect the journey we are all walking.
Loving, guiding, whispering, petals of a flower as delicate as the work of our hands whether they are rough or smooth. Show your hands and it will show me your work.
Follow the palmar flexion creases on your hands. Your hands are your life’s and love’s work.
What you choose to do with your hands is your life’s work.
If you wreak havoc and chaos. If you choose to hit and harm, it is never, ever forgotten and permanently stored somehow, someway into the deep recesses of one’s mind. Memories are stored deep and remembered. Never forgotten. We all are patients of our own memories. Choose to love and be gentle even if someone sees it as a weakness. Because, in fact, it is strength. Gentleness is strength. If someone hurt you, you forgive them but move on. You do not have to forget. Lessons are in it. You learn what not to accept. You learn what not to do. You learn the lessons life dishes out and deals. You remember, forgive and you move on. Let it move you to dance. To sing. To read. To draw. To write. To paint. To act. To create.Scream love.
…remember while it’s a long way into someone else heart, it’s also a long way into your own heart. It is a deliberate choice to love yourself just the way you are.
It all starts at the foundation. What I like to call The Floor.
Has anyone ever experienced McDonald’s floors? You need slip resistant shoes for them. But there is always the possibility to still slip and fall. Like life. Then, you get back up. Learn the lessons. Notice the patterns. Keep moving, ebbing and flowing like the ocean. Always in a process of becoming.
Those that lie with dogs rise with fleas. Yes and no.
You do become like the people you surround yourself with.
I have been fortunate enough to be surrounded by the go getters, the people who get stuff done for their business, families, friends and for their soul.
They inspire me each and every day. I am humbled by the magnitude of their strength and their soul. We are a soul family. For real.
They didn’t choose to listen to dogma, complain or even echo the cliche: “whoa is me“, or even list their sacrifices and grievances, instead they did something about it. The trials and tribulations they took as learning lessons and stepping stones leading up to their greatness way of a whole being. in the making.
I bear witness. A dear friend turns and flips homes into Schools of Love helping to put the generational fire of addiction to ash for good. It starts with our youth. It starts with love.
Or another dear friend and soul sister who dared to open up her own school and name it after her grandmother, someone who had impacted and imprinted her childhood in a profound and endearing way. Legacy living on and on.
Another one, who from the moment I stepped foot into a classroom made me fall in love with Early Childhood Education. She had me notice the little things. It all started at a hug. A hug and a hello. She sees the humanity and the importance of relationships. That’s what it all comes down to. Love. Love. Love. Light, coupled by care and then, like alchemic magic, the rest handles itself.
Sometimes people don’t see their own value and their own worth. Another dear one, made me see my worth and negotiate to get what I deserve and continues to negotiate on the behalf of others.
Our students and children also have dreams and struggle with worth, self-efficacy and self-fulfilling prophecies. Sometimes they need a gentle or even loud reminder. A soft push to see the power in themselves. We are always in a process of becoming. Our process never ever ends even in the so-called death and dying part of it.
Another dear human who founded and runs an organization chose to empower her community and generations to follow. Breaking and dismantling poverty during and after war.
Then I met another remarkable person who on a soul level I knew she was changing lives. Discovery Center. Check it out.
I have bore witness to great ones who don’t step on the giants or on the shoes of others but walks like one in their own soles for their soul. No one likes to be stepped on. Ask ants. It messes up their whole flow.
They walk like giants.
They deeply inspired me to dig a little deeper and dance my own dance.
For real life, we’re all here walking and dancing each other home. Thank you for taking my hand everyone and dancing, singing, our ways home all while screaming love.
That’s the thing we have to keep shouting. Love. In the words of a dear one: L O V E. Wins. Every. Single. Time.
From the Playground 