You’re in the store. You hear, “Mommy, I want that.” You peer down to see your child pointing to a brightly colored stuffed elephant that you know he has more than you can count at home. You whisper, “No, not right now you have some at home.” He urges, begs and pleads. You don’t cave in. You stand your ground. Then to your surprise (or perhaps, not to your surprise) as it’s been boiling you see your 3 year old start to cry. He may scream. He may even throw himself to the floor.
You as the grown up can’t run or hide. What do you do?
During childhood, young children are experiencing a vast array of emotions: big and small, discovering new places and self as they change and grow. As they take in the brand new world around them, they could get easily frustrated especially when they are not able to fully say how they feel or fully articulate their needs. As a result, a child may show this exasperation and big emotions through what grown ups see as challenging behaviors not a bad child but a challenge. Even adults could reach a point or limit of not being able to self-regulate. Imagine how children feel as everything is brand new especially as they grow into themselves.
According to NAEYC, challenging behaviors often emerge in the second year of life. Why? Toddlers are unable to fully label how they are feeling as well as their needs as they are still developing language skills. So, a child will use nonverbal possibly biting or verbal: crying to get their needs met.
Here are some research backed strategies to guide children to more positive outcomes that may prevent leaving the store in gallons of tears and energy.
Avoid common triggers or situations that cause challenging behavior: Prepare in advance for activities or store trips. Observation is key here. If you know when you go to the store, he will see a fluffy bright elephant that he will beg for, and prepare one he already has to take with him. Bonus: let him choose which one he wants to take. In the moment at the store: it may not be the “want” of the toy but the “want” of a comforting item that seeing that bright elephant reminds him of. Identifying patterns in timing, routine, anticipated outcomes or root causes of challenging behaviors can help families better support their child.
Establish predictable and consistent routines and behaviors: Children and grown ups thrive in predictable and consistent routines. It feels safe to know what is coming next. Model kindness and empathy with others and yourself. Your child will notice and show the same. Model how to take care of others, the environment and the self. Keep a consistent and predictable schedule. Have cereal together. Breathe and meditate together. Show and share a calm, supportive, consistent and loving environment. If ever upset, model that you will need a moment to calm down, breathe and return when ready. Children learn by what they observe and experience. If you curse, your child will. If you’re calm, your child will be. Families are successful by being consistent through predictable routines, setting limits and modeling care and compassion through smiles, intentional verbal, nonverbal praise and action.
Notice and talk about positive actions during the day: Every day is a fresh and new day to get it right or learn from mistakes. Families have the potential to promote positive behaviors throughout the day, not just when challenging behaviors emerge. Catch children’s positive actions and comment on them. Notice other people’s actions too and comment out loud in front of your child about them. For example, wow without Kelly, our mailperson we would never get postcards from Grandma or when at a restaurant, comment on the service. For example, our waiter is so kind and without him we would not be able to order food. Notice and comment on the helpers of our world. Without each and every person’s kindness, we would have a mean and disturbed kind of world.
Hopefully, these tips help so that next time you find yourself somewhere such as a store, it goes more smoothly and there are no screams or tantrums. Screaming love instead of frustration. Here’s to pinpointing and solving those challenging behaviors. Cheers! Remember, you got this!
When you see a child’s drawing what do you notice, say or ask?
Most times, as grown ups, we’ll label what we “think” the drawing / painting / sculpture / creation is that a child made. Or as children create, we will show them what whatever it is “should” look like. For example, take a star — we may show them. What would happen if we didn’t show them but see what kind of star they’d create based on their own observation and imagination? As opposed to getting a replica of the carbon copied four pointed star (as illustrated in the picture below) — we may just get something else more creative and out of the box way of seeing the world in which we live.
The following are tips for making with children.
Don’t name it — ask open ended questions. Ask children to tell you the story of their picture / creation and write it down as they tell you the story of it. Ask them to describe it. Think of who, what, when, where, why and how questions. This shows you value their masterpieces as you actively listen and take notes about their work.
Save their creations — save their work and bring it back out so they can add more detail to it or be inspired to make another part. Learn new terms like dip-tic, trip-tec etc. This helps children to work on a project over time and strengthens their attention to detail.
Display their work — at their eye level. If they want let them help you or even let them do it by themselves. This shows that you value their work without over empty praise such as always saying good job or it’s beautiful. The action of displaying their work whether on a shelf or on a wall says to children: “I value your work. You are a creator.”
What ways do you inspire and encourage children’s creativity?
Everybody needs a little love in their lives but you know what else everybody needs? Play.
You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation. —Plato
While in Vang Vieng, Laos, we happened to catch children playing from a far distance. No grown ups present. They climbed through tree roots, explored water, caught fish and laughed a lot. They waded water in the stream made their way out and found a large paint roller and rolled it all around in the dirt. I smiled and reminisced as my nostalgic childhood materialized.
“That’s what play looks and feels like. That’s honoring childhood.” My partner and I started sharing about our childhoods. How we were fortunate that ours looked like the childhood the children were playing in right before our very eyes. Childhood is finite and infinite at the same time. It lives on.
No fences, no dittos, no rules. Freedom. To feel and play. True play gives us a push into being in our body and mind. Everything is connected: spatial awareness to making connections.
Play gives children practice to what they are learning and observing. It works for grown ups too in life, family and business. Want to learn more about your colleagues in less time? Keep it simple. Kick the typical “meeting” and get out there and play.
Play Opens Doors
No matter where children and grown ups live or what they’re overcoming, play is essential.
It opens doors and shows us what we’re capable of and what we’re passionate about. It shows us who we are and are meant to be. We all are competent, capable and creative human beings. From birth until we die, we have to play in our purpose.
Play Promotes Collaboration
Listening and talking. Everyone plays a part in it. From role play / interacting with others to make believe / symbolic thinking. Even without someone else…being able to collaborate with yourself in your own world is the art of meditation. Play is meditation.
Play Gives Grace to Fail and Try, Try Again
Riding a bike to kicking a ball. You ride, you crash. You kick, you miss. You try again.
What did you love to play as a child? As an adult? Did it change? Why?
How do you notice and celebrate the fall? There are so many ways to acknowledge it with children in natural ways. Bring in and celebrate the changing seasons with some of these creative ideas. Please feel free to share some of your family’s ideas in the comment section below: sharing is caring! These sensory and awesome activities are simple to set up and perfect for inviting your child to explore and notice the wonders of Autumn.
1. Take a Walk to Notice the Changing Leaves
Change the lyrics of the classic Bear Hunt song to “We’re going on a leaf hunt” and take a walk together as you notice the leaves falling as they crunch beneath your shoes and spy the changing colors. Walk while collecting colorful various sized leaves as you go. Invite your children to tell you what color, texture and size of each leaf in fun ways. For example…notice the size by pondering outloud: “I wonder if it’s bigger/smaller than your hand?” “How does it feel?” “Where did the green disappear to?” “How did the color change?” “Which is your favorite shade?” Once you’re home, invite your child to sort the leaves by size, shape and color.
2. Sensory Play with Fall
Sensory play is vital for babies and children and there are lots of amazing ways to represent the colors of Fall. Invite your child to change the leaves with food coloring or Tempera paints. Wonder out loud: “If you could change the colors of the leaves, what color would you change them to?” “How does a leaf change its color?” Offer Blue/Red, Yellow/Red, Yellow/Blue primary paint combinations to discover what they turn into.
4. Sing Autumn Songs click below for some ideas
5. Read Books about Trees: list of ideas below: **add your titles in the comments below** *Bonus Make Your Own Book Using Colorful Leaves
The Lorax, The Giving Tree, Stuck, Because of an Acorn, The Kids’ Family Tree Book, Can You Hear the Trees Talking?, The Tree Book for Kids and their Grown-ups
6. Observe, Draw and Pick out Some Favorite Trees
Take a sketchpad outside and draw what you see. Plan to revisit and plant one of you and your child’s favorite trees in the spring!
5. Paint / Collage with Leaves
Use leaves to paint and collage with. Make a large Fall mural inspired by the Fall. **Bonus Make a fall wreath together for your door or a neighbor’s door.
6. Rake the Leaves
Don’t forget to JUMP in them! Make up a story using the leaves together.
7. Make Leaf Rubbings / Pressings
Grab a paper, crayons (and/or pastels), playdough/clay. Place the leaf/leaves on the paper. Place a paper on top and then use the crayon (writing utensil) to rub. (Another variation is to do pressings by pressing the leaf into playdough/clay to make impressions/imprints. See it by clicking below:
8. Visit a National Park and Chat with a Park Ranger
Visiting parks and nature is a wonderful way to get up and personal with nature, especially trees. Talking with a park ranger who is an expert could turn into a life changing memorable experience as you make meaning out of the trees and their importance. If you’re local to Fiolina the Arboretum is an iconic place to visit many types of trees from the smallest Bonsais’ to the tallest of Sycamores. A perfect place for that sketchpad we mentioned earlier.
Have Fall inspired ideas you want to share? Let us know by commenting below!
In the middle of the holiday hoorah from relatives to gifting presents, families may forget the why of the holidays and what the deep significance of the giving season is all about. Have you ever given a present to see a child open it and be more fascinated by the wrapping paper and cardboard box? It’s a reminder and lesson how the season is not exactly about the gifts but how the time is spent.
Here are 8 ways to bring in a more meaningful holiday with your loved ones.
Write letters, draw pictures, make cards, make bracelets and send care packages to essential workers such as EMS, Armed Services (Military and First Responders) who are away from their families during the holiday season. An awesome organization to do this through is Operation Gratitude. Families, teachers, children may volunteer at https://www.operationgratitude.com/
Take care of wildlife by decorating an outdoor tree with yummy snacks. Roll pinecones in peanut butter and bird seeds and place nuts. Wildlife will thank you!
Encourage children to connect and interview their grandparents and/or family members. Ask for favorite family stories. Retell stories. Record it for memories. Get some inspiration from: www.storycorps.org
Move together. Each day pick a movement activity to get moving. Dance to you favorite songs, take walks/hikes to look at lights, play basketball/soccer and if there’s snow: sled.
Adopt a family in need for the holiday season. Usually you will receive a list of what the child(children) are wishing for then let your children pick out the presents for the children. Become an angel today! https://adoptafamilymaryland.com/how-can-you-help-1
Admire the lights and stay present with your children. Hot cocoa, books, movies and love. The memories made will be remembered much longer than the presents. It’s about the time spent, not money.
Wear pjs outside and build igloos, snow castles and snow people.
Travel someplace else to volunteer or just because. Most of all, spend time, use talents and make treasures together.
“As an artist you don’t owe them an answer but as a leader, you do.” -Kanye West
Creating something —anything is an action of process and processing. A process of becoming and unbecoming again and again. Into the dark and out of it back into the light.
Putting something somewhere out there in the world doesn’t need an explanation just as your very life’s essence way of being doesn’t need one or permission to exist. Don’t ask permission, ask forgiveness. For some of use the mere art of living and being free is a revolutionary act of consciousness. In this act, it sets others free and on fire for something deeper than the surface. What you see is not necessarily what you get. When you’re zoning and in the zone it just comes to you this free fall form. Nothing else matters but seeing just how much of the universe is in you and how much you’re out there in the universe. Taking the bits and pieces and the parts and transforming it all back into a whole piece of art.
That not everyone will understand.
Using subtle Imagery or even words both big and small brings bits and pieces of a whole together again. No longer ash but spirit. You may not have spirit without ash. Water without dirt or sand. Ever taste a piece or particle of a grain of sand? The texture is gritty which is what our bone is made of. We all become brittle bone, rock and grains of sand. Fragments. Texture and color which is art. We are art.
Children are works of art. Therefore, we are all God’s works of art. Masterpieces. I’m finding myself more in God’s hands than I’ve ever been. The prayers of my Mother. No one else could take the credit of a mother’s prayers.
I remember the Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep prayer. Each and every night. A prayer of peace, blessings and protection to all those we love. God is love. Found in a Tupac song. Found in a sip of water. Found in the whole. Found in the 1/2. Found in the bits and in the pieces. Fragments found in eternity put back together again. Found in Heaven. Even found in Hell. So choose wisely.
It was raining as I stood on our front porch screwing in our registered charter number onto our Little Free Library. A beautiful sign. When the rain went to a drizzle, I carried it outside towards a tree closer to the road where people could discover a book and share a treasured one of their own.
We decided to open one up in honor of children and families who are in a crisis.
Our message is simple, do something good no matter how big or small, for someone else.
Books connect us, inspire us, help us to process, imagine and open another door to see the world through another lens. A single book has the potential to heal us and to connect us. We are all have the potential to feel and become better because of a single book.
Anything is possible, hope you join our movement by leaving a treasured book for someone else and take one for yourself or pass it along to someone else. Or open one up in your neighborhood.
Recently, I was inspired by a reading from Plough‘s Daily Dig. An excerpt is below and it’s by Kahlil Gibran, a favorite author of mine who wrote The Prophet. In it Kahlil Gibran ponders joy.
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. And how else can it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.…When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. Source: The Prophet
What gives you pain gives you joy. I felt like I just caught joy holding hands with pain and it sunk in the pit of my stomach. Imagine you love running really fast, tripping and falling. The running culminated into an eventual trip and fall. However, you don’t stop running because it brings you joy…and sorrow.
Lemons to Lemonade.
Failing. Falling. Rising. People say failure is not an option but in fact, it is. Failure holds hands with success. We fall, we rise. The sun sets and rises.
We live, we die.
We laugh, we cry.
We hurt, we heal.
Life is ugly. Life is beautiful. So what is it? What is your joy? Choose wisely.
Ps. A poem / Almonds and Joy Just Because
Here are some almonds and joy, just because.
They said it is a stork bite.
Where her birthmark is behind her neck.
I smiled.
Tears rolling down like mounds of almonds.
Rolling them up and down a hill like Sisyphus with his rock.
What do I do with this sorrow, this pain, this grief, this hurt, all of this?
A cardinal flies by. Bright ruby red. Butterflies and hummingbirds dance across the sky right before my eyes. Morning doves sing. A quarter on the ground dated 1986. Changed by so many hands. Possibly fell off of an angel’s wings in the path I was meant to stumble upon it. I stand and walk among giants as none of us is as small as we think we are. A paradox of our times. Looking out a plane window, you would think and see just how small and potentially insignificant we really aren’t. Nothing is as it seems. Littles things are big things. Just watch and study ants at work.
Looking out a plane window, you would think and see just how small and potentially insignificant we really aren’t. Nothing is as it seems. Littles things are big things. Just watch and study ants at work.
Life all around us and beyond us. Beautiful, daring and fleeting life. Life in a single blade of grass life. Life in a single fingerprint life. Life in a single sip of coffee life. Life lies even in a pesky and stubborn weed in the garden that keeps reemerging life. It hurts to tug it out of the ground. Everything wants to live. We want to live another day. Another minute.
We emerge no matter the challenge or obstacle in the words of Tupac Shakur even from concrete. We breakthrough like the stars emerging from stardust life that we innately are. Where do we go after life? That question follows me each and everywhere I turn. Where do we go? Will we see each other again?
Life is found in a single minute. One single minute matters more than you think. I stare at the sky throughout the day just to stare at it no need to have a reason. The stars. The constellations. Connecting the dots to what all of this really means. We’re all deeply connected like an infinite constellation more than anyone could possibly ever realize or conceptualize.
I don’t care says a lot. It could be said that that phrase means the opposite of it’s intended meaning. In fact, it means that one does care a whole lot. After viewing Rick’s Reading Workshop, what resonated the most was when Rick said, “When kids care, the rest handles itself.” I feel like that phrase applies to every facet of life itself.
What is it that you care about? Once you care, the rest handles itself.
That’s all for this one. Short and sweet like a sip of sweet tea.
Photo by Tatiana Syrikova on
From the Playground 