“You only live once but if you do it right, once is enough.” -Mae West
At a restaurant we visited, I saw and read this quote which is almost or all aphoristic depending on who you ask. It’s brilliant especially when people get stuck on what’s right on a soul shattering kind of level. Some questions I often ponder are:
Who are you? Who are you surrounded by? Who are you in a process of becoming / evolving?
What do you do for a life and/or a living? What’s your story? What makes you feel alive?
When did you stop doing what you love? When did you start doing what you love?
Where have you been? Where are you going?
Why?
How are you feeling? How are you thinking?
But always remember no matter the questions and conversations, “You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation”. (shout out to Plato!)
At some point in time, we were all children. Having and or teaching children reminds you of that fact. Sark wrote and tapped into how to really love a child and in turn teaches us how to love ourselves. All of us are miracles. Keeping the gleam and joy and most of all: LOVE.
How to really love anyone including the self comes down to being present not only the presents. One of my favorite books entitled: The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman delves into how to love someone as it is so aptly titled the languages of love.
How do you show someone you love them? Find out their love language(s). Is it acts of service, quality time, physical touch, verbal affirmation and/or gift giving?
And, speak their love language with action and speak your own through action. Celebrate them. Celebrate you. Celebrate Earth. Walt Whitman: I celebrate myself, and sing myself, And what I assume you shall assume, For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you. https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/45477/song-of-myself-1892-version
Have you ever noticed how a child’s face will come alive when they are doing something they love and enjoy? Even grown ups will light up when they are doing something they love.
People who love what they do and love who they are don’t take vacations from it or from themselves. It lights a fire within sparking up a joy that cannot ever be contained. In life, humans light each other up along the way like lining up dominoes and with one gentle nudge, each domino knocks into the other crashing and cascading down. Or like Pringos, “Once you pop, you can’t stop!” LOL
No one can ever take that purpose away once ignited. It cannot be faked, copied, or even categoried <– made up word. Be you and pass on your light of being. The greatest gift is the gift of oneself. One’s own transformation and change.
Who are you? Who are you becoming?
What are you?
When were you? When are you?
Where were you and where are you?
Why are you?
How are you?
Be and become. The light. The love. The joy. The hiccups. haha
While navigating life and growing: let’s be mindful and very cognizant of gaslighting phrases to recognize and heal from and through. Learn to recognize what and who is real. This is how we become. When you hear or have heard the following “gaslight” statements may it illuminate a “gaslight” and serve as a red flag to drive away, establish distance and fill your tank with what’s real. Here are those following “gaslights”.
That never happened.You remember that?I don’t remember that. That’s not how it happened. Then they spin it, flip it, manipulate it to fit themselves and it is truly incredulous. This makes you question your own very reality and memories. TRUST yourself. Your instincts and your memories. Denial and suppression could drive everyone mad. Don’t let it happen to you. Keep your voice even if it’s a whisper. For real! Truth always comes to light and when it does, trust the process and heal through the hurt.
You’re being too sensitive. Stop crying. Do you want me to give you something to cry for? When they dismiss your feelings or when you’re crying or even upset/mad, it’s a way to invalidate your emotions. Your feelings are are valid. Feel your feelings. Do not suppress. Remember that.
After all I’ve/we’ve done for you. This is such a classic and timeless guilt tripping tactic wrapped with a bow as gratitude and how you should feel so grateful. Remember this: You don’t owe anyone. Even further, you don’t owe them your life no matter what they’ve done. Keep your peace. Pay it forward.
No matter what, family comes first. **Only when family is healthy, responsible and mutually respectful. Otherwise, this is toxic and hard to swallow.
Bonus: not a statement but noticing and learning the sound of silence and distinguish the sounds of footsteps and what they could mean for you, tone of voice / facial expressions and what may be in store for you.
Lessons learned in the grand scheme of things that some people are broken and fragmented. But you don’t have to make excuses such as “that’s just the way they are”. And, look at you or who you are in a process of becoming, you learned (or are learning) not to make excuses for them or yourself.
Resilient, thankful, nonetheless for the life lessons learned along the way. Like forgiveness and letting go. And, in distance well disguised as boundaries when noticing / recognizing when a “gaslight” comes on.
All the lessons well learned. Heal. The only thing worth screaming is love, anyway. So love. Live. Peace. Light. Turn off the gas and turn the real light on. Light will always overpower darkness. Fill your bucket with truth and light, never emptying or giving away what’s real. What’s inside.
Children should at least get 3 hours a day outside to play not in front of screens or constantly listening to lectures. (Yes screens when used appropriately and lectures each have their own respective places). However, I (we) am/are calling for some tune ups in our public school schedules as well as curriculums. The amount of children in our society who lose focus, have increased behavioral problems, diagnoses for all of these “labels” is truly astronomical. Our school is a microcosm of what is happening nationally. Every year should not get more challenging for a school and its teachers / administrators / leadership. We need to rise to this challenge and return to basics. Do you remember playing as a child? At home and at the schoolyard? How much time did you have? How about the games you played in your childhood? Tag, freeze tag, races, hide and seek, Mr. wolf/fox, climbing trees, rolling all around, creative and sustained imaginative play … so much happens for children during this process of play. And, truthfully speaking, grown ups need a little folly in their lives, too as Erasmus well put it. Without it we are walking shells of a human. Children are showing us what they need. Some are loud about it and some are quiet about it. No one wants to sound, be or be remembered like the teacher (or parent) in Charlie Brown.
We are society and can change it. We know and are aware as educators about true and real life child development. The stages we all learned about and went through ourselves as children: Sensorimotor, pre-operational, concrete and formal. We need more playtime not more screen time / not more memorization/rote learning not curriculum that is abstract and out of touch with real children and how they learn. When it comes to testing and what a child “knows” we need both objective and subjective. We are all human. We need brain breaks. “Coffee breaks” for grown ups and “Energy” breaks for children.
We do not need more regulations or checklists…teachers, families and our schools are communities of “life-long”-curious-engaged learning. Should feel joy and fun coupled with respect, responsibility and a life-long readiness to learn and have curiosity. We all want what is best for our children / our future. Three hours of focusing on “school work” without a brain break knowing humans tend to lose focus most easily (in five minutes) especially when they are tired, stressed, experiencing distractions in their environment, performing repetitive tasks, or when dealing with complex information for extended periods of time. It is a lot we are requiring of our children. We have to be the change we wish to see in this world as Gandhi put it.
There truly needs to be a tune up. As a community school we can be a model for what real life / engaged learning embodies, looks and feels like. Children (truly, all of us) learn by doing and being active, engaged participants not passive observers. Using what they learn to apply it in real life / challenges is the best gift that we can give and bestow upon our children/our future who we pass the mic too. Here are several articles that I hope inspire you.
The most wonderful time of the year. But is it? I am feeling tension and unlike myself lately. I am missing loved ones who have passed. 105 people die every minute. Nearly 2 every second. Life is precious. So, so very precious.
When it comes to my feelings, I chalked some of it up to the full moon and it’s power of making waves. In fact, there has been a cataclysm of events making waves. Globally, countries are struggling with leadership and death.
Lately, I have been hanging on to hope and resiliency. I stare at a photo of 6 year old Ruby Bridges who endured and triumphed standing as a metaphor and reminder that “what doesn’t kill you does in fact make you stronger”. At 6, Ruby Bridges showed a courage that resonates today. I had the opportunity of listening to Ruby Bridges speak in 2015 at the annual NAEYC conference. The kind of courage and poise she personifies and how it connects with us, children, families and educators.
Holidays are hard for many. For a lot of my own life, holidays were often off for me and awkward. There are empty chairs of those we miss and love. You feel the infinite loss and ache of missing loved ones. It is easier to send a gift and/or photo of smiling faces saying Happy Holidays. It is the thought that counts but what do we do for those who feel alone? How do we help others cope during grief or a sense of loss? What gifts can you give to the broken-hearted?
Here are gifts to give:
Gift of Memory: Take a moment to remember and honor the memory of a loved one by a hug, card or phone call. Although there is an empty chair at the table fill it with memories and honor their memory.
Gift of hope: We experience both sadness and joy. It’s deeply triggered by the holidays. Show up and offer to help those you care about. From the daily routines to collaging and scrap booking memories.
Gift of Love: Be in the moment with those who are still living. Show them you love them. If you are the one feeling sad tell them it is hard but stay hopeful.
Gift of friendship: Invite and include those who feel sad even if they may cancel or decline from shopping to having dinner.
Gift of Surprise and Spontaneity: Encourage doing something unusual such as a road trip or a flight to visit loved ones still here. Follow through.
Give the gift of time: Its about time well spent with those you love so spend it wisely. Spend some time whether over coffee, a movie, a stop by visit or something special to do together
Give the gift of food for the soul whether baked goods or a home cooked meal to enjoy together
The gift of listening: remember, it’s not not knowing what to say but listening and being there.
Looking for more gift ideas? Visit Sympathy Solutions at:
Before you buy a bunch of stuff for people for holidays or birthdays…ask them what kind of gift do they want or need? What do you want to give?
Do they need the gift of quality time? Do they need the gift of service? Do they need some affirmation? Do they need to dance? Do they need a meaningful gift?
Keep it simple and ask what they need. Listen carefully.
Do they need any help?
Do they need someone to listen over a cup of cocoa coffee tea?
Maybe they need a kid free night.
If it’s for a child…could it be something they really want to do?
Maybe they could use a home cooked meal.
Maybe they don’t know what to ask for or are too embarrassed to ask.
Maybe you can be the one who gives them what they need instead buying more stuff.
Maybe make something for them.
In fact, I wrote a book about this theme of too much stuff entitled:
It encourages donating stuff you no longer need or use. It also uses personification to bring humor to having too much stuff! We cannot take all of these things when we level up aka when we die. So, again, let’s ask: “presents or presence?”
Out of the three gifts we all possess, this little blog nugget will center on: the gift of time.
Please take a moment and take at least twenty minutes today and each day to do something with your kiddo. No commands, no goals, just be present in the moment. Give the gift of time and presence. We are here to become memories for them.
Shhhhh. Do not give directions. Be quiet and follow their lead. Listen. Actively listen. Really and truly listen. No interruptions. Just be in the moment. No questions asked.
Instead of asking: “What’s wrong with him or her?” Ask, “What happened to him or her?” This will help you guide and have a better relationship with the children and grown ups in your life.
In a society that is in a rush to label, diagnose fix and break, be the exact opposite, be the one who slows down to notice, show compassion and listen. Just be there through the tears, through the ups and the downs. Notice and be present. Love.
We are society and we can in fact, choose love, consistency and conversations where we listen more and talk less. Slow down, listen to what children are showing and sharing. You will find out exactly what they need, don’t need and in return what you need and what you don’t need.
Slow down. Turtles have a lot to teach us in this way. Not the ninja turtles but the ones who hold up traffic as they cross the street. Taking their time. One turtle paw at a time. One paw in front of the other. There are times to be a cheetah and there are times to be a turtle. Choose wisely.
Let’s talk. Wealth. Rich and Poor. While we teach our children to value what is inside of themselves: the who of what they are. Their being. Their essence. Others from outside will influence them or try to belittle them or what they care about at times, without even knowing it themselves. It tugs at their heart and their soul. Ours, too, just a little bit until we get the jolt back into what matters most. People. Relationships. Experiences. Memories. Time. Talent. Treasure.
Our son asked, “Hey mom, is my jacket expensive?” Quite frankly, it doesn’t even matter. These things, no matter the cost won’t matter in the next five minutes or even in the next five years. If it won’t matter in the next minutes, months or even years: who cares. It’s not the jacket but the memories we make in it that truly matter. While most of society will try to convince you that your worth is determined by what you have on, in real real reality, it doesn’t. What your life depends on is who you are, who you surround yourself with and what you care about. So, take care of yourself, others and your surroundings/your space then it ripples outward and onward changing lives for the better.
So, how much does your life cost? How much value and worth? Are you living poor in mindset? Have the courage to change it before it’s far too late. Don’t live for a too die for house. Don’t live for a too die for car.
Live for a too die for life.
Collect memories. Not things. Collect the times. Spend time well. Treasure it. We all have time, talent and treasure. It is how you define it. No one else. Love life. Live it well. Make it a life well spent. Spend life well. The currency is always strong when passionately and poetically lived.
From the Playground 