Have you ever noticed how a child’s face will come alive when they are doing something they love and enjoy? Even grown ups will light up when they are doing something they love.
People who love what they do and love who they are don’t take vacations from it or from themselves. It lights a fire within sparking up a joy that cannot ever be contained. In life, humans light each other up along the way like lining up dominoes and with one gentle nudge, each domino knocks into the other crashing and cascading down. Or like Pringos, “Once you pop, you can’t stop!” LOL
No one can ever take that purpose away once ignited. It cannot be faked, copied, or even categoried <– made up word. Be you and pass on your light of being. The greatest gift is the gift of oneself. One’s own transformation and change.
Who are you? Who are you becoming?
What are you?
When were you? When are you?
Where were you and where are you?
Why are you?
How are you?
Be and become. The light. The love. The joy. The hiccups. haha
While navigating life and growing: let’s be mindful and very cognizant of gaslighting phrases to recognize and heal from and through. Learn to recognize what and who is real. This is how we become. When you hear or have heard the following “gaslight” statements may it illuminate a “gaslight” and serve as a red flag to drive away, establish distance and fill your tank with what’s real. Here are those following “gaslights”.
That never happened.You remember that?I don’t remember that. That’s not how it happened. Then they spin it, flip it, manipulate it to fit themselves and it is truly incredulous. This makes you question your own very reality and memories. TRUST yourself. Your instincts and your memories. Denial and suppression could drive everyone mad. Don’t let it happen to you. Keep your voice even if it’s a whisper. For real! Truth always comes to light and when it does, trust the process and heal through the hurt.
You’re being too sensitive. Stop crying. Do you want me to give you something to cry for? When they dismiss your feelings or when you’re crying or even upset/mad, it’s a way to invalidate your emotions. Your feelings are are valid. Feel your feelings. Do not suppress. Remember that.
After all I’ve/we’ve done for you. This is such a classic and timeless guilt tripping tactic wrapped with a bow as gratitude and how you should feel so grateful. Remember this: You don’t owe anyone. Even further, you don’t owe them your life no matter what they’ve done. Keep your peace. Pay it forward.
No matter what, family comes first. **Only when family is healthy, responsible and mutually respectful. Otherwise, this is toxic and hard to swallow.
Bonus: not a statement but noticing and learning the sound of silence and distinguish the sounds of footsteps and what they could mean for you, tone of voice / facial expressions and what may be in store for you.
Lessons learned in the grand scheme of things that some people are broken and fragmented. But you don’t have to make excuses such as “that’s just the way they are”. And, look at you or who you are in a process of becoming, you learned (or are learning) not to make excuses for them or yourself.
Resilient, thankful, nonetheless for the life lessons learned along the way. Like forgiveness and letting go. And, in distance well disguised as boundaries when noticing / recognizing when a “gaslight” comes on.
All the lessons well learned. Heal. The only thing worth screaming is love, anyway. So love. Live. Peace. Light. Turn off the gas and turn the real light on. Light will always overpower darkness. Fill your bucket with truth and light, never emptying or giving away what’s real. What’s inside.
Instead of asking: “What’s wrong with him or her?” Ask, “What happened to him or her?” This will help you guide and have a better relationship with the children and grown ups in your life.
In a society that is in a rush to label, diagnose fix and break, be the exact opposite, be the one who slows down to notice, show compassion and listen. Just be there through the tears, through the ups and the downs. Notice and be present. Love.
We are society and we can in fact, choose love, consistency and conversations where we listen more and talk less. Slow down, listen to what children are showing and sharing. You will find out exactly what they need, don’t need and in return what you need and what you don’t need.
Slow down. Turtles have a lot to teach us in this way. Not the ninja turtles but the ones who hold up traffic as they cross the street. Taking their time. One turtle paw at a time. One paw in front of the other. There are times to be a cheetah and there are times to be a turtle. Choose wisely.
Need ideas for the holiday season? When I am fresh out of ideas, I tend to start with the people and places we love. Whether near or far, inspiration can be found everywhere and lead to anywhere.
We were counting all of the letters of the alphabet. I hear, “Mom, I love you, all the letters of the alphabet.”
Love is everywhere. In little moments and in the meaningful conversations whether we know in the moment they are meaningful or not. Even “small talk” could lead to “big talk”. In fact, it is all big in the grand scheme of this one precious and wild life.
The timeless adage still rings true. Don’t spend money. Spend time. Time with those you love. What is at the core of each and every single one of us is this: Time, Talent and Treasure.
Ask those you love what they would love to do with the time you all have? Dare yourself to be pulled into the moment.
They and it will all surprise you. When we ask…, we get at that heart of what the other person cares about.
Some ideas, actions and answers that sprang up and out of boredom and inspired by an ask of:
Q: “What do you want to do?”
A: “I want to go to the car wash!”
A: “Let’s count the stars.”
A: “Write a book.”
A: “Watch tv”
A: “Can we add soap to the trampoline and jump?! Soap party!”
A: “Make a cat house?!”
A: “Play a game” (ie board game or action packed game of tag!)
A: “Play chase us with the remote control cars!”
A: “Ride our go karts.”
A: “I want to make a fart fort!”
A: “I want a piggy back ride!”
A: “I want to fight!”
A: “I want to climb.”
A: “I want to roll!”
A: “I want to swing!”
A: “Knock, knock…(I want to laugh!)”
…the answers are endless. Let it be. Let them play. Let yourself play. Shhhh, listen, let them tell you. Open your eyes, let them show you. Open your arms. Hug it out. xoxoxo
“I know what I want to do, and it makes sense to get going”. — Warren Buffet
Children know who they are and what they love to do from an early age. Families, educators and the community also discover what children are passionate about especially by paying close attention while being astute observers. When children arrive at school they get going in on the things they care about all while living out the mantra: being in the present moment. Something most of us could learn a lot from. While being in the present an idea enters the brain also know as a spark of joy that sends signals as what we’re supposed to be doing. An idea.
I had a student who had an idea. He started building a truck. More specifically, a cement mixer. In fact, he loved trucks. All kinds of trucks. His family was worried as he seemed obsessed with trucks and he didn’t like books so much. I mentioned that they just may have a builder on their hands. He gets distracted by what he cares about most because when there was a book about trucks he would study it research like and consumed by it ranging from non-fiction to Goodnight, Goodnight, Construction Site. When asked what he wanted to be when he grew up, he said a garbage truck so he could keep Earth clean. When we went to the library on Wednesdays for story time, instead of listening to the story he would instead gravitate towards the window to watch the construction workers work. He would be engrossed by the construction site across the street and name every single truck as well as what they were doing. I mentioned it to the storyteller and she prepared stories the following week in honor of my student and the site across the street. We also met the team who were building. My student’s eyes lit up and stood in awe as the team described what they were working on. He asked the most questions and even got to sit in the cement mixer he saw each Wednesday, the exact truck he was building. This came full circle and his family beams with pride as their son is an expert in building and mechanics. He drew and from what I see online still draws blueprints, creates and builds.
Our ideas are unique to only us. No one else dreams the dreams we dream. It is vital to fulfill our mission. When a child is doing something they love they don’t have to be told or rewarded to do it. Even when they grow up it is the same as they do something they love. They do it because they want to be there. They do what they love and care about. That is the greatest gift. Are you honoring your child and your own inner child?
This is where intrinsic vs. extrinsic motivation comes in.
Children are intrinsically motivated to do the things they love to do. They don’t need awards or even praise. They just do. They get going.
So what is it that your child wants to get going on? How about you? Just do it.
In the middle of the holiday hoorah from relatives to gifting presents, families may forget the why of the holidays and what the deep significance of the giving season is all about. Have you ever given a present to see a child open it and be more fascinated by the wrapping paper and cardboard box? It’s a reminder and lesson how the season is not exactly about the gifts but how the time is spent.
Here are 8 ways to bring in a more meaningful holiday with your loved ones.
Write letters, draw pictures, make cards, make bracelets and send care packages to essential workers such as EMS, Armed Services (Military and First Responders) who are away from their families during the holiday season. An awesome organization to do this through is Operation Gratitude. Families, teachers, children may volunteer at https://www.operationgratitude.com/
Take care of wildlife by decorating an outdoor tree with yummy snacks. Roll pinecones in peanut butter and bird seeds and place nuts. Wildlife will thank you!
Encourage children to connect and interview their grandparents and/or family members. Ask for favorite family stories. Retell stories. Record it for memories. Get some inspiration from: www.storycorps.org
Move together. Each day pick a movement activity to get moving. Dance to you favorite songs, take walks/hikes to look at lights, play basketball/soccer and if there’s snow: sled.
Adopt a family in need for the holiday season. Usually you will receive a list of what the child(children) are wishing for then let your children pick out the presents for the children. Become an angel today! https://adoptafamilymaryland.com/how-can-you-help-1
Admire the lights and stay present with your children. Hot cocoa, books, movies and love. The memories made will be remembered much longer than the presents. It’s about the time spent, not money.
Wear pjs outside and build igloos, snow castles and snow people.
Travel someplace else to volunteer or just because. Most of all, spend time, use talents and make treasures together.
A cardinal flies by. Bright ruby red. Butterflies and hummingbirds dance across the sky right before my eyes. Morning doves sing. A quarter on the ground dated 1986. Changed by so many hands. Possibly fell off of an angel’s wings in the path I was meant to stumble upon it. I stand and walk among giants as none of us is as small as we think we are. A paradox of our times. Looking out a plane window, you would think and see just how small and potentially insignificant we really aren’t. Nothing is as it seems. Littles things are big things. Just watch and study ants at work.
Looking out a plane window, you would think and see just how small and potentially insignificant we really aren’t. Nothing is as it seems. Littles things are big things. Just watch and study ants at work.
Life all around us and beyond us. Beautiful, daring and fleeting life. Life in a single blade of grass life. Life in a single fingerprint life. Life in a single sip of coffee life. Life lies even in a pesky and stubborn weed in the garden that keeps reemerging life. It hurts to tug it out of the ground. Everything wants to live. We want to live another day. Another minute.
We emerge no matter the challenge or obstacle in the words of Tupac Shakur even from concrete. We breakthrough like the stars emerging from stardust life that we innately are. Where do we go after life? That question follows me each and everywhere I turn. Where do we go? Will we see each other again?
Life is found in a single minute. One single minute matters more than you think. I stare at the sky throughout the day just to stare at it no need to have a reason. The stars. The constellations. Connecting the dots to what all of this really means. We’re all deeply connected like an infinite constellation more than anyone could possibly ever realize or conceptualize.
What were the little things you carried in your pockets before the world made you empty them? Mine literally were rocks and dandelions. I would marvel at a rock as I found it fascinating. I loved and still enjoy collecting rocks. Ultimately, it’s not about the things you buy, it’s about the experiences you have. The moments made into memories. It’s about the little things you care about. Perhaps it keeps you up at night or wakes you up really early in the morning. Perhaps it sits with you for awhile mid-afternoon while you have your tea. It calls out to you. It knows your name without ever having to say it.
When is the last time you noticed or discovered that little thing you care about? When you saw or realized it did you marvel and sit with it for awhile? Were you present in the moment with it? When is the last time you did something about it? No expectations. Not because you have to but because you want to. Not following steps walking into “adulthood” but into “yourself hood” When will you follow your calling? Your own footsteps, left foot, right foot one in front of the other? Not for money but for your soul. Those are the kinds of things that are worth carrying in your pocket. Noticing and fulfilling the little things that you care about are victories.
I remember a little thing. A student of mine wanted to take a worm back to the classroom. So, he put some dirt in his pocket. Then he put the earthworm in his pocket. He carefully sprinkled a bit more dirt on top of the worm in his pocket as well so the worm in his own words would have a home. Think of the care and careful consideration he took to look out for the worm as he fulfilled his mission of bringing it back into our classroom.
If I had interrupted this play and told him to empty his pockets and that a pocket is no place for an earthworm even to transport it then we would have missed out on all of the learning with earthworms, anatomy and how to care for them and how they care for our Earth creating nutrients for plants and other organisms. It started with one worm and turned into so much more.
A worm. A single worm created a moment which created a memory and is in the process of possibly creating an entomologist. We all have an inner child, an inner soul. Nurture it. Nurture the little thing you love and yearn for whether it’s an ant or the sky. You are drawn to it for a reason. When someone asks you why are you “fixated” or “stuck” on something. Ask them, why not? Keep your wonder and your fascination especially in a world that is “stuck” and “fixated” on being busy and moving onto something else before really getting to know and work with what it started with to begin with. Studying and observing earthworms doesn’t take a week or month. For example, Darwin studied earthworms for forty years.
What were the little things you carried in your pockets before the world made you empty them?
Four decades Darwin hung out and observed the worms. So take your time with your passion and purpose, on purpose. The little thing you care about. The little thing that keeps knocking on your brain and on your heart: your soul. It’s worth it. Nurture it, care for it and be there with it for awhile. Sit with it. Walk with it. Crawl with it. Do whatever it is you have to do to be with it for awhile. Keep it safe, give it a home. Put it in your pocket. Take a decade or two or three or four or even more with it. Slow down and move with it in a world that wants to move onto the next thing. It warms. It cools. It warms. It cools. Stay with it for awhile. Savor it like the last bite. In fact, save the best bite for last.
So what is it and what will you do with it?
Ps. Here is a book entitled Finding Me by Viola Davis that may encourage you to dig a little deeper than the earthworms.
You could tell a lot about a person by how they handle certain things in life like accidents, mistakes, rainy days, spilled milk and so on and so forth. The ultimate and most obvious timeless question to ask is could they laugh at themselves in moments like that?
Throughout the pandemic and especially during the height of it all, a student of mine has been working at McDonalds while also attending college and caring for her young son (who is also doing elementary virtual class).
No matter how tired and exhausted and scary the pandemic was and is — She still rises and goes to work.
Each and everyday she rose and (still rises) at 5:30 am, left and arrived to work at 7:00 am where her manager took her temperature, scanned and looked her over. On this particular morning worth mentioning, he glanced down and pointed at her shoes.
She looked down and when she looked down she saw two completely different colors!
She took another look. She went to work with mismatched shoes. One shoe was a jet matte metallic black and the other one, a silver neon gray slip on.
Her manager told her to go home and change them.
She went home, changed her shoes and went back to work. Again, her manager pointed down to her mismatched shoes. Feeling exhausted and defeated but with a second wind, she said, “I don’t care. I feel like wearing them just like this today. Take me as I am or let me go.”
She said, “I feel so small, I feel like a bug or an ant. Most times — I don’t even want to wake up but on this day I laughed until I cried myself and felt better.”
I told her 2 things. 1. Keep laughing and 2. Keep laughing.
You see, this life is too precious than to worry about matching socks or shoes plus it’s Halloween and second, ants have superhuman strength.
When you “feel” like no one and nobody notices, trust the process and know that you can and literally are carrying a weight 100 times your mass just like the ant. You are rare and your very purpose is to be here. We are somehow chosen and we don’t even know who, what, when, where, why and how our stones will ripple, wreck, melt, shift and shake up the world.
Time is too precious than to spend our precious energy on matching our socks or our shoes or our feelings to match what society thinks we should be or act or feel.
Just be yourself.
Who are you? Who are you in a process of becoming? What’s your reason? How are you getting there?
From the Playground 