The Power of Love and Healing (Deep Work=Deep Breaths)

“One can only travel the long way into the heart of another: the slow work of finding common ground, the careful discernment of grounds of admiration, the disciplines of kindness, encouragement, silence, and restraint. It takes a deliberate choice, renewed regularly, to love every human being one encounters.” (Zena Hitz)

If it’s worth it, it will not be easy… something like that Bob Marley said. A monk was also quoted previously in response to this question:

“What’s the hardest part about being a monk?” He said, “Other monks”.

What’s the hardest part about life and love?

Other people.

Isn’t that funny? Other people. We do not have control. We have control only over oneself. Only of ourselves and how we respond or how we do not respond to others.

They say the highest form of flattery is gossip. If you find yourself trembling off the lips of another it’s truly none of your business. Monks do not talk much as it’s well known. There is a reason for that. Self-discipline and restraint. Choose not to judge and just respect the journey we are all walking.

Loving, guiding, whispering, petals of a flower as delicate as the work of our hands whether they are rough or smooth. Show your hands and it will show me your work.

Follow the palmar flexion creases on your hands. Your hands are your life’s and love’s work.

What you choose to do with your hands is your life’s work.

If you wreak havoc and chaos. If you choose to hit and harm, it is never, ever forgotten and permanently stored somehow, someway into the deep recesses of one’s mind. Memories are stored deep and remembered. Never forgotten. We all are patients of our own memories. Choose to love and be gentle even if someone sees it as a weakness. Because, in fact, it is strength. Gentleness is strength. If someone hurt you, you forgive them but move on. You do not have to forget. Lessons are in it. You learn what not to accept. You learn what not to do. You learn the lessons life dishes out and deals. You remember, forgive and you move on. Let it move you to dance. To sing. To read. To draw. To write. To paint. To act. To create. Scream love.

The [Heart, Mind, Brain and…] Body Keeps the Score always. A must read book is The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk M.D., found here: https://www.besselvanderkolk.com/resources/the-body-keeps-the-score

…remember while it’s a long way into someone else heart, it’s also a long way into your own heart. It is a deliberate choice to love yourself just the way you are.

Lean on Me…

Lean on me…

When you’re not strong.

There are so many songs that epitomize love, reliance and resilience. This one is one of my favorites.

We fall. We get back up sometimes on our own or with someone else’s help.

Then, the beautiful purpose of falling down is to help someone else up along the way.

What did you do for the month of February? And, most importantly, the months prior and leading up to this month and after it, what are you planning?

How do you show and share your love? How do you receive love?

What are your love languages? Quality time? Gift giving? Service to others? Affirmations? Physical touch? A little bit of all of them?

Love a little, a lot. Love a lot, a little.

26

In the words of someone I love. ” Love you to the end of the alphabet... [and beyond it] “. Here are the abcs filled with love, light and affirmations. Cheers to speaking life and love over each other and our children.

A for amazing and astounding.

B for brave, bold and beautiful.

C for courageous, considerate, compassionate and caring.

D for determined and dedicated.

E for evolving and energetic.

F for fabulous and fun!

G for giving and getting.

H for healing and health.

I for intelligent, inspiring and insightful.

J for joyful and jazzy.

K for knightly and kind.

L for loving and learning.

M for masterpiece and magnificent.

N for neat, nice, natural and neverending!

O for observant and ongoing.

P for precious, persevering and playful.

Q for quissential, quaint and quirky!

R for resilient, respectful and ready for life!

S for special and sweet.

T for talented, timeless, thoughtful, tactful and tenacious.

U for ubiquitous, unique, unconditional, unbeatable, ultimate and unabashed!

V for valorous, valuable, venerable, vast, versatile and valiant.

W for wise and wonderful.

X for xenial and xylographic.

Y for yogi, yielding, yaring and youthful.

Z for zingy, zestful, zany and zen.

Next time, sing with me!

Ps. Love you, all 26 letters!

Deck the Halls with Lots of Love and Play

Need ideas for the holiday season? When I am fresh out of ideas, I tend to start with the people and places we love. Whether near or far, inspiration can be found everywhere and lead to anywhere.  

We were counting all of the letters of the alphabet. I hear, “Mom, I love you, all the letters of the alphabet.”

Love is everywhere. In little moments and in the meaningful conversations whether we know in the moment they are meaningful or not. Even “small talk” could lead to “big talk”. In fact, it is all big in the grand scheme of this one precious and wild life.

The timeless adage still rings true. Don’t spend money. Spend time. Time with those you love. What is at the core of each and every single one of us is this: Time, Talent and Treasure.

Ask those you love what they would love to do with the time you all have? Dare yourself to be pulled into the moment.

They and it will all surprise you. When we ask…, we get at that heart of what the other person cares about.

Some ideas, actions and answers that sprang up and out of boredom and inspired by an ask of:

Q: “What do you want to do?”

A: “I want to go to the car wash!”

A: “Let’s count the stars.”

A: “Write a book.”

A: “Watch tv”

A: “Can we add soap to the trampoline and jump?! Soap party!”

A: “Make a cat house?!”

A: “Play a game” (ie board game or action packed game of tag!)

A: “Play chase us with the remote control cars!”

A: “Ride our go karts.”

A: “I want to make a fart fort!”

A: “I want a piggy back ride!”

A: “I want to fight!”

A: “I want to climb.”

A: “I want to roll!”

A: “I want to swing!”

A: “Knock, knock…(I want to laugh!)”

…the answers are endless. Let it be. Let them play. Let yourself play. Shhhh, listen, let them tell you. Open your eyes, let them show you. Open your arms. Hug it out. xoxoxo

Photo by Krivec Ales on Pexels.com

Who’s There?

It all starts at the foundation. What I like to call The Floor.

Has anyone ever experienced McDonald’s floors? You need slip resistant shoes for them. But there is always the possibility to still slip and fall. Like life. Then, you get back up. Learn the lessons. Notice the patterns. Keep moving, ebbing and flowing like the ocean. Always in a process of becoming.

Those that lie with dogs rise with fleas. Yes and no.

You do become like the people you surround yourself with.

I have been fortunate enough to be surrounded by the go getters, the people who get stuff done for their business, families, friends and for their soul. 

They inspire me each and every day. I am humbled by the magnitude of their strength and their soul. We are a soul family. For real. 

They didn’t choose to listen to dogma, complain or even echo the cliche: “whoa is me“, or even list their sacrifices and grievances, instead they did something about it. The trials and tribulations they took as learning lessons and stepping stones leading up to their greatness way of a whole being. in the making. 

I bear witness. A dear friend turns and flips homes into Schools of Love helping to put the generational fire of addiction to ash for good. It starts with our youth. It starts with love.

Or another dear friend and soul sister who dared to open up her own school and name it after her grandmother, someone who had impacted and imprinted her childhood in a profound and endearing way. Legacy living on and on.

Another one, who from the moment I stepped foot into a classroom made me fall in love with Early Childhood Education. She had me notice the little things. It all started at a hug. A hug and a hello. She sees the humanity and the importance of relationships. That’s what it all comes down to. Love. Love. Love. Light, coupled by care and then, like alchemic magic, the rest handles itself.

Sometimes people don’t see their own value and their own worth. Another dear one, made me see my worth and negotiate to get what I deserve and continues to negotiate on the behalf of others.

Our students and children also have dreams and struggle with worth, self-efficacy and self-fulfilling prophecies. Sometimes they need a gentle or even loud reminder. A soft push to see the power in themselves. We are always in a process of becoming. Our process never ever ends even in the so-called death and dying part of it.

Another dear human who founded and runs an organization chose to empower her community and generations to follow. Breaking and dismantling poverty during and after war.

Then I met another remarkable person who on a soul level I knew she was changing lives. Discovery Center. Check it out.

I have bore witness to great ones who don’t step on the giants or on the shoes of others but walks like one in their own soles for their soul. No one likes to be stepped on. Ask ants. It messes up their whole flow. 

They walk like giants. 

They deeply inspired me to dig a little deeper and dance my own dance.

For real life, we’re all here walking and dancing each other home. Thank you for taking my hand everyone and dancing, singing, our ways home all while screaming love. 

That’s the thing we have to keep shouting. Love. In the words of a dear one: L O V E. Wins. Every. Single. Time.

Making it loud and clear: L O V E. 

You’ll Get it as You Go

“You’ll get it as you go.” said the nurse as we waited in the hospital.  

Wanting to run to the store for her.

She said, “Don’t worry, you’ll get it as you go.”

We made the list to run to the store…

Diapers. 

Bottles.

Wipes.

Formula. 

Onesies.

Pacifiers.

Things only later that we discovered we could get as we go. We’ll never have enough…especially time.

But we get it as we go. Time. Light. Life. Love. Precious moments.

The precious moments. There are miracles in them. Our life is not just meant for us, it’s meant for others who need us more. 

The Only Thing We Should Scream is Love: How to Keep Your Cool When Your Child is Losing It

“The only thing we should scream into the world is love” — Jill Telford 

Photo by Phil Nguyen on Pexels.com

Imagine you and your family are out at a pool. Your child is having a blast to the point his fingers are wrinkled from the water. The sun is shining and sunscreen was a cinch to apply because the spray kind was created. You’ve all been out in the sun for about two hours. You make the call to head home. Your child says, “Five more minutes, pleeeeease”. You say, “Ok”.  Five minutes pass and you say alright let’s go but he wants to negotiate another five. You say no it’s time to go. You see water on his face that is not from the pool but his tears. He starts crying that he wants to stay. He runs away, yelling he doesn’t want to leave and throws himself on the grass. You carry him to the car feeling defeated and deflated.

Everything pretty much a toddler and preschooler does is developmentally appropriate including many of the following challenging behaviors:

  • Ignoring you
  • Yelling
  • Throwing food, etc.
  • Spitting
  • Not Sharing
  • Tantruming
  • Not “sitting still”
  • Not “listening”
  • Hitting
  • Biting

This happens as children grow and learn about this brand new world. While we’ve been here for decades, they have been here for a few years. They don’t have the plethora of experiences that we have. Think about that. Our brain is fully developed while their brain is still growing. What they do and how they act during this time is not a reflection of who you are as a parent. They are not “bad”.  Neither are you as a parent “bad” at parenting. 

In those moments, they need you more than ever to be still with them. Give yourself and your child space as they navigate big feelings. It’s hard to label how upset they are that they have to leave. When it gets calm be present with them and re-enact the scenario and what would be done differently next time. Label what you saw and validate feelings including your own. Give reasons why. Keep it simple, direct and clear. Keep calm and carry on.

Next time you find yourself in the middle of a meltdown or tantrum with your children: give space, follow through on what you said, be there when they are ready to talk, label what you saw and use it as a teachable moment for what to do differently next time. Hug them, tell them you love them but not the behavior. Give yourself grace as their parent. You got this.  

Ps. Need more tips: here is a helpful article featured on Understood

https://www.understood.org/en/articles/taming-tantrums-vs-managing-meltdowns

What is Your Joy?

Recently, I was inspired by a reading from Plough‘s Daily Dig. An excerpt is below and it’s by Kahlil Gibran, a favorite author of mine who wrote The Prophet. In it Kahlil Gibran ponders joy.

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. And how else can it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.…When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. Source: The Prophet

Photo by Bekka Mongeau on Pexels.com

What gives you pain gives you joy. I felt like I just caught joy holding hands with pain and it sunk in the pit of my stomach. Imagine you love running really fast, tripping and falling. The running culminated into an eventual trip and fall. However, you don’t stop running because it brings you joy…and sorrow.

Lemons to Lemonade.

Failing. Falling. Rising. People say failure is not an option but in fact, it is. Failure holds hands with success. We fall, we rise. The sun sets and rises.

We live, we die.

We laugh, we cry.

We hurt, we heal.

Life is ugly. Life is beautiful. So what is it? What is your joy? Choose wisely.

Ps. A poem / Almonds and Joy Just Because

Here are some almonds and joy, just because.

They said it is a stork bite.

Where her birthmark is behind her neck.

I smiled.

Tears rolling down like mounds of almonds.

Rolling them up and down a hill like Sisyphus with his rock.

What do I do with this sorrow, this pain, this grief, this hurt, all of this?

Bundle it up in a pretty blue and white wrapper.

Swaddle it up.

A bundle of joy. Almond Joy.

She is as tiny as one.

Signs Everywhere, Everywhere Signs

A cardinal flies by. Bright ruby red. Butterflies and hummingbirds dance across the sky right before my eyes. Morning doves sing. A quarter on the ground dated 1986. Changed by so many hands. Possibly fell off of an angel’s wings in the path I was meant to stumble upon it. I stand and walk among giants as none of us is as small as we think we are. A paradox of our times. Looking out a plane window, you would think and see just how small and potentially insignificant we really aren’t. Nothing is as it seems. Littles things are big things. Just watch and study ants at work.

Looking out a plane window, you would think and see just how small and potentially insignificant we really aren’t. Nothing is as it seems. Littles things are big things. Just watch and study ants at work.

Life all around us and beyond us. Beautiful, daring and fleeting life. Life in a single blade of grass life. Life in a single fingerprint life. Life in a single sip of coffee life. Life lies even in a pesky and stubborn weed in the garden that keeps reemerging life. It hurts to tug it out of the ground. Everything wants to live. We want to live another day. Another minute.

We emerge no matter the challenge or obstacle in the words of Tupac Shakur even from concrete. We breakthrough like the stars emerging from stardust life that we innately are. Where do we go after life? That question follows me each and everywhere I turn. Where do we go? Will we see each other again?

Life is found in a single minute. One single minute matters more than you think. I stare at the sky throughout the day just to stare at it no need to have a reason. The stars. The constellations. Connecting the dots to what all of this really means. We’re all deeply connected like an infinite constellation more than anyone could possibly ever realize or conceptualize.

A Day of Care

Photo by Japheth Mast on Pexels.com

I don’t care says a lot. It could be said that that phrase means the opposite of it’s intended meaning. In fact, it means that one does care a whole lot. After viewing Rick’s Reading Workshop, what resonated the most was when Rick said, “When kids care, the rest handles itself.” I feel like that phrase applies to every facet of life itself.

What is it that you care about? Once you care, the rest handles itself. 

That’s all for this one. Short and sweet like a sip of sweet tea.