Before you buy a bunch of stuff for people for holidays or birthdays…ask them what kind of gift do they want or need? What do you want to give?
Do they need the gift of quality time? Do they need the gift of service? Do they need some affirmation? Do they need to dance? Do they need a meaningful gift?
Keep it simple and ask what they need. Listen carefully.
Do they need any help?
Do they need someone to listen over a cup of cocoa coffee tea?
Maybe they need a kid free night.
If it’s for a child…could it be something they really want to do?
Maybe they could use a home cooked meal.
Maybe they don’t know what to ask for or are too embarrassed to ask.
Maybe you can be the one who gives them what they need instead buying more stuff.
Maybe make something for them.
In fact, I wrote a book about this theme of too much stuff entitled:
It encourages donating stuff you no longer need or use. It also uses personification to bring humor to having too much stuff! We cannot take all of these things when we level up aka when we die. So, again, let’s ask: “presents or presence?”
Out of the three gifts we all possess, this little blog nugget will center on: the gift of time.
Please take a moment and take at least twenty minutes today and each day to do something with your kiddo. No commands, no goals, just be present in the moment. Give the gift of time and presence. We are here to become memories for them.
Shhhhh. Do not give directions. Be quiet and follow their lead. Listen. Actively listen. Really and truly listen. No interruptions. Just be in the moment. No questions asked.
The biggest adventure you can take is to fulfill your dreams one day at a time.
Life is not a checklist of all of the daily to do’s. Life is not a to do but an active pursuit of doing. Life is adventure when you do what you want to do. Actively and passionately living it will bring you joy. Presence is necessary daily. While others are making plans, choose to live. Dig deep to plant some roots. Even the flowers of life have roots. Where do your roots run? Where does the stem grow? Where does the crown reach?
Imagine for a moment if you will that you fall asleep one evening not ever to wake up again.
And while you sleep…your life flashes before your eyes.
How did you live it?
Did you choose peace? Did you choose war? Did you choose violence? Did you choose love? Did you choose the dark? Did you choose the light?
Instead of asking: “What’s wrong with him or her?” Ask, “What happened to him or her?” This will help you guide and have a better relationship with the children and grown ups in your life.
In a society that is in a rush to label, diagnose fix and break, be the exact opposite, be the one who slows down to notice, show compassion and listen. Just be there through the tears, through the ups and the downs. Notice and be present. Love.
We are society and we can in fact, choose love, consistency and conversations where we listen more and talk less. Slow down, listen to what children are showing and sharing. You will find out exactly what they need, don’t need and in return what you need and what you don’t need.
Slow down. Turtles have a lot to teach us in this way. Not the ninja turtles but the ones who hold up traffic as they cross the street. Taking their time. One turtle paw at a time. One paw in front of the other. There are times to be a cheetah and there are times to be a turtle. Choose wisely.
I was feeling grateful while reading an article that reflected on whether teaching was stunting other passions by Patrick Harris. Throughout it, I felt affirmed and validated in my own decade and a half experience from being busy all of the time to finding the time for the other things I care deeply about such as writing and creating. Read more from the article that inspired this one below:
Teaching just like receiving an “F” or a zero on a paper can literally “suck the life out of you” in the words of Rita Pierson but a “plus two” or being in pursuit of your passions / what you care about can fill you back up a bit.
The dilemma all comes down to having no time to pursue the other things that you love.
The top three for me are: reading, creating and travel.
It all starts at the foundation. What I like to call The Floor.
Has anyone ever experienced McDonald’s floors? You need slip resistant shoes for them. But there is always the possibility to still slip and fall. Like life. Then, you get back up. Learn the lessons. Notice the patterns. Keep moving, ebbing and flowing like the ocean. Always in a process of becoming.
Those that lie with dogs rise with fleas. Yes and no.
You do become like the people you surround yourself with.
I have been fortunate enough to be surrounded by the go getters, the people who get stuff done for their business, families, friends and for their soul.
They inspire me each and every day. I am humbled by the magnitude of their strength and their soul. We are a soul family. For real.
They didn’t choose to listen to dogma, complain or even echo the cliche: “whoa is me“, or even list their sacrifices and grievances, instead they did something about it. The trials and tribulations they took as learning lessons and stepping stones leading up to their greatness way of a whole being. in the making.
I bear witness. A dear friend turns and flips homes into Schools of Love helping to put the generational fire of addiction to ash for good. It starts with our youth. It starts with love.
Or another dear friend and soul sister who dared to open up her own school and name it after her grandmother, someone who had impacted and imprinted her childhood in a profound and endearing way. Legacy living on and on.
Another one, who from the moment I stepped foot into a classroom made me fall in love with Early Childhood Education. She had me notice the little things. It all started at a hug. A hug and a hello. She sees the humanity and the importance of relationships. That’s what it all comes down to. Love. Love. Love. Light, coupled by care and then, like alchemic magic, the rest handles itself.
Sometimes people don’t see their own value and their own worth. Another dear one, made me see my worth and negotiate to get what I deserve and continues to negotiate on the behalf of others.
Our students and children also have dreams and struggle with worth, self-efficacy and self-fulfilling prophecies. Sometimes they need a gentle or even loud reminder. A soft push to see the power in themselves. We are always in a process of becoming. Our process never ever ends even in the so-called death and dying part of it.
Another dear human who founded and runs an organization chose to empower her community and generations to follow. Breaking and dismantling poverty during and after war.
Then I met another remarkable person who on a soul level I knew she was changing lives. Discovery Center. Check it out.
I have bore witness to great ones who don’t step on the giants or on the shoes of others but walks like one in their own soles for their soul. No one likes to be stepped on. Ask ants. It messes up their whole flow.
They walk like giants.
They deeply inspired me to dig a little deeper and dance my own dance.
For real life, we’re all here walking and dancing each other home. Thank you for taking my hand everyone and dancing, singing, our ways home all while screaming love.
That’s the thing we have to keep shouting. Love. In the words of a dear one: L O V E. Wins. Every. Single. Time.
Imagine you and your family are out at a pool. Your child is having a blast to the point his fingers are wrinkled from the water. The sun is shining and sunscreen was a cinch to apply because the spray kind was created. You’ve all been out in the sun for about two hours. You make the call to head home. Your child says, “Five more minutes, pleeeeease”. You say, “Ok”. Five minutes pass and you say alright let’s go but he wants to negotiate another five. You say no it’s time to go. You see water on his face that is not from the pool but his tears. He starts crying that he wants to stay. He runs away, yelling he doesn’t want to leave and throws himself on the grass. You carry him to the car feeling defeated and deflated.
Everything pretty much a toddler and preschooler does is developmentally appropriate including many of the following challenging behaviors:
Ignoring you
Yelling
Throwing food, etc.
Spitting
Not Sharing
Tantruming
Not “sitting still”
Not “listening”
Hitting
Biting
This happens as children grow and learn about this brand new world. While we’ve been here for decades, they have been here for a few years. They don’t have the plethora of experiences that we have. Think about that. Our brain is fully developed while their brain is still growing. What they do and how they act during this time is not a reflection of who you are as a parent. They are not “bad”. Neither are you as a parent “bad” at parenting.
In those moments, they need you more than ever to be still with them. Give yourself and your child space as they navigate big feelings. It’s hard to label how upset they are that they have to leave. When it gets calm be present with them and re-enact the scenario and what would be done differently next time. Label what you saw and validate feelings including your own. Give reasons why. Keep it simple, direct and clear. Keep calm and carry on.
Next time you find yourself in the middle of a meltdown or tantrum with your children: give space, follow through on what you said, be there when they are ready to talk, label what you saw and use it as a teachable moment for what to do differently next time. Hug them, tell them you love them but not the behavior. Give yourself grace as their parent. You got this.
Ps. Need more tips: here is a helpful article featured on Understood
“If you can’t run, walk. If you can’t walk, crawl.” — MLK
If you can’t crawl, roll. If you can’t roll then get that tummy time in. This is the story of the stages of development and how children need caring grown ups to nurture our babies so they grow into their fullest potential. This is what to expect when you’re expecting. This is how we care for and nurture children after their basic needs of nutrition, toileting and shelter have been met. Early childhood development is impacted heavily by the mental health of the people who care for them even while they are in the womb. Care is solely based on three actions caring grown ups give: love, safety and consistency. During the early years of life, the brain is constantly and consistently growing and care should coincide with that growth. Grown ups have a mission to foster security, love and safety starting at birth which leads to toddlers establishing a strong sense of self and self-worth. Children not only want safety, love and consistency but they also need it.
Being able to build and sustain healthy relationships to consistently meet children where they are in order to secure a healthy attachment depends on the wholeness of the grown up who is caring for children. Are those who are caring for children well and healthy? A great question for grown ups to ask themselves is: “How am I feeling?” “What can I do about?”
In reality, a “healthy head start” is not always an option for babies. This is where early intervention comes in as a plan b if the family unit is broken. Early intervention such as head start, home cares and preschool improves the outlook and success of children growing into healthy and thriving adults. Caring grown ups help build a strong foundation also known as the brain. It also aids in breaking a family generational cycle of poverty. Need support?
Here are some resources and ways to support infants and toddlers in the first three years of life:
From the Playground 