Author: Jill Telford

children, earlyed, education, family, life, love, moments, relationships, self-help, soul, therapy

The Gaslight is On

Gallery | Posted on by Jill Telford

While navigating life and growing: let’s be mindful and very cognizant of gaslighting phrases to recognize and heal from and through. Learn to recognize what and who is real. This is how we become. When you hear or have heard the following “gaslight” statements may it illuminate a “gaslight” and serve as a red flag to drive away, establish distance and fill your tank with what’s real. Here are those following “gaslights”.

That never happened. You remember that? I don’t remember that. That’s not how it happened. Then they spin it, flip it, manipulate it to fit themselves and it is truly incredulous. This makes you question your own very reality and memories. TRUST yourself. Your instincts and your memories. Denial and suppression could drive everyone mad. Don’t let it happen to you. Keep your voice even if it’s a whisper. For real! Truth always comes to light and when it does, trust the process and heal through the hurt.

You’re being too sensitive. Stop crying. Do you want me to give you something to cry for? When they dismiss your feelings or when you’re crying or even upset/mad, it’s a way to invalidate your emotions. Your feelings are are valid. Feel your feelings. Do not suppress. Remember that.

After all I’ve/we’ve done for you. This is such a classic and timeless guilt tripping tactic wrapped with a bow as gratitude and how you should feel so grateful. Remember this: You don’t owe anyone. Even further, you don’t owe them your life no matter what they’ve done. Keep your peace. Pay it forward.

No matter what, family comes first. **Only when family is healthy, responsible and mutually respectful. Otherwise, this is toxic and hard to swallow.

    Bonus: not a statement but noticing and learning the sound of silence and distinguish the sounds of footsteps and what they could mean for you, tone of voice / facial expressions and what may be in store for you.

    Lessons learned in the grand scheme of things that some people are broken and fragmented. But you don’t have to make excuses such as “that’s just the way they are”. And, look at you or who you are in a process of becoming, you learned (or are learning) not to make excuses for them or yourself.

    Resilient, thankful, nonetheless for the life lessons learned along the way. Like forgiveness and letting go. And, in distance well disguised as boundaries when noticing / recognizing when a “gaslight” comes on.

    All the lessons well learned. Heal. The only thing worth screaming is love, anyway. So love. Live. Peace. Light. Turn off the gas and turn the real light on. Light will always overpower darkness. Fill your bucket with truth and light, never emptying or giving away what’s real. What’s inside.

    Calling for a new Prescription: Playtime

    Posted on by Jill Telford

    Children should at least get 3 hours a day outside to play not in front of screens or constantly listening to lectures. (Yes screens when used appropriately and lectures each have their own respective places). However, I (we) am/are calling for some tune ups in our public school schedules as well as curriculums. The amount of children in our society who lose focus, have increased behavioral problems, diagnoses for all of these “labels” is truly astronomical. Our school is a microcosm of what is happening nationally. Every year should not get more challenging for a school and its teachers / administrators / leadership. We need to rise to this challenge and return to basics. Do you remember playing as a child? At home and at the schoolyard? How much time did you have? How about the games you played in your childhood? Tag, freeze tag, races, hide and seek, Mr. wolf/fox, climbing trees, rolling all around, creative and sustained imaginative play … so much happens for children during this process of play. And, truthfully speaking, grown ups need a little folly in their lives, too as Erasmus well put it. Without it we are walking shells of a human. Children are showing us what they need. Some are loud about it and some are quiet about it. No one wants to sound, be or be remembered like the teacher (or parent) in Charlie Brown.

    We are society and can change it. We know and are aware as educators about true and real life child development. The stages we all learned about and went through ourselves as children: Sensorimotor, pre-operational, concrete and formal. We need more playtime not more screen time / not more memorization/rote learning not curriculum that is abstract and out of touch with real children and how they learn. When it comes to testing and what a child “knows” we need both objective and subjective. We are all human. We need brain breaks. “Coffee breaks” for grown ups and “Energy” breaks for children.

    We do not need more regulations or checklists…teachers, families and our schools are communities of “life-long”-curious-engaged learning. Should feel joy and fun coupled with respect, responsibility and a life-long readiness to learn and have curiosity. We all want what is best for our children / our future. Three hours of focusing on “school work” without a brain break knowing humans tend to lose focus most easily (in five minutes) especially when they are tired, stressed, experiencing distractions in their environment, performing repetitive tasks, or when dealing with complex information for extended periods of time. It is a lot we are requiring of our children. We have to be the change we wish to see in this world as Gandhi put it.

    There truly needs to be a tune up. As a community school we can be a model for what real life / engaged learning embodies, looks and feels like. Children (truly, all of us) learn by doing and being active, engaged participants not passive observers. Using what they learn to apply it in real life / challenges is the best gift that we can give and bestow upon our children/our future who we pass the mic too. Here are several articles that I hope inspire you.

    https://outwardbound.org/blog/how-much-outside-time-a-day-is-recommended-for-kids/


    https://hechingerreport.org/want-resilient-and-well-adjusted-kids-let-them-play/


    https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/power-of-play/Pages/the-power-of-play-how-fun-and-games-help-children-thrive.aspx

    Ps. Feel free to share this with your schools. Peace, love, joy, compassion and light. Your way, always.
    books, childhood, children, death, Holidays, life, love, relationships, soul, therapy

    ‘Tis the Season and ‘Tis the Holidays (re-post)

    Gallery | Posted on by Jill Telford

    The most wonderful time of the year. But is it? I am feeling tension and unlike myself lately. I am missing loved ones who have passed. 105 people die every minute. Nearly 2 every second. Life is precious. So, so very precious.

    When it comes to my feelings, I chalked some of it up to the full moon and it’s power of making waves. In fact, there has been a cataclysm of events making waves. Globally, countries are struggling with leadership and death.

    Lately, I have been hanging on to hope and resiliency. I stare at a photo of 6 year old Ruby Bridges who endured and triumphed standing as a metaphor and reminder that “what doesn’t kill you does in fact make you stronger”.  At 6, Ruby Bridges showed a courage that resonates today. I had the opportunity of listening to Ruby Bridges speak in 2015 at the annual NAEYC conference. The kind of courage and poise she personifies and how it connects with us, children, families and educators.

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    Holidays are hard for many. For a lot of my own life, holidays were often off for me and awkward. There are empty chairs of those we miss and love. You feel the infinite loss and ache of missing loved ones. It is easier to send a gift and/or photo of smiling faces saying Happy Holidays. It is the thought that counts but what do we do for those who feel alone? How do we help others cope during grief or a sense of loss? What gifts can you give to the broken-hearted?

    Here are gifts to give:

    • Gift of Memory: Take a moment to remember and honor the memory of a loved one by a hug, card or phone call. Although there is an empty chair at the table fill it with memories and honor their memory.
    • Gift of hope: We experience both sadness and joy. It’s deeply triggered by the holidays. Show up and offer to help those you care about. From the daily routines to collaging and scrap booking memories.
    • Gift of Love: Be in the moment with those who are still living. Show them you love them. If you are the one feeling sad tell them it is hard but stay hopeful.
    • Gift of friendship: Invite and include those who feel sad even if they may cancel or decline from shopping to having dinner.
    • Gift of Surprise and Spontaneity: Encourage doing something unusual such as a road trip or a flight to visit loved ones still here. Follow through.
    • Give the gift of time: Its about time well spent with those you love so spend it wisely. Spend some time whether over coffee, a movie, a stop by visit or something special to do together
    • Give the gift of food for the soul whether baked goods or a home cooked meal to enjoy together
    • The gift of listening: remember, it’s not not knowing what to say but listening and being there.

    Looking for more gift ideas? Visit Sympathy Solutions at:

    http://www.sympathysolutions.com/current-newsletter/10-things-you-can-do-for-someone-lost-loved-lone.html

    Most of all, ensure to reach out, don’t expect someone who feels alone to reach out to you.

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    childhood, children

    How Imagination Shapes Children’s Costumes

    Gallery | Posted on by Jill Telford

    How cool is the above picture? It’s AI generated. How neat is it that the opportunity exists to create costume ideas using AI? BUT You know what’s even cooler? Our children’s imaginations. Imagination is more important than knowledge [and AI] (shoutout to Einstein)!

    For Halloween and in daily life our son wanted to dress in all black to be the night. His plan is to become completely dark. How amazingly, incredibly and phenomenally cool is that? Our children’s imaginations leave such an impression on me.

    He changed his mind several times as he thinks about what he wants to be. In the grand scheme of things, the Mario costume we got has nothing on being the night.

    Dramatic play is truly an incredible way to play and engage especially when it comes to children’s development. Let them imagine all year round.

    As Johnny Depp said something like this when it comes to being an actor, “Being able to play pretend for life is the best career anyone can have.”

    Children get to do that (not only) on Halloween but for childhood and perhaps, even beyond.

    Ps. “You can find out more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation” -Plato

    art, autumn, childhood, children, fall, Holidays, life, love

    Falling and Jumping for Joy into Autumn

    Gallery | Posted on by Jill Telford

    Adios Summer. See you in a few seasons. Change is some kind of incredible for our souls. I’m noticing the leaves, the air, the fires and how nature in all of it, still cares. Our kids are noticing, too. Often I take notice how they gather, collect leaves and step through the crunchy brown ones. Hiking and walking while noticing nature all around is an art in itself.

    Here are some of our Bucket List ideas for Fall Fun Things to do 🙂

    1. Get lost in a corn maze
    2. Use a compass / map to hike in and on the forest trails
    3. Pick some apples
    4. Leaf piles and JUMP in!
    5. Leaf peeping
    6. Pumpkins and Gourds
    7. Draw and observe what you notice
    8. Make natural “decorations” out of nature finds
    9. Hot cocoa 🙂
    10. Make hiking staffs
    11. Make a fire and tell stories
    12. Camp out on the trampoline
    13. Fall movie night outside
    14. Read and reread / retell stories about Fall or just because you like them stories
    15. Chop up wood
    16. Visit the Gnomes and Fairy gardens / Feeling inspired? Make one in your yard 🙂
    17. Make a list of what you’re thankful for (maybe on those beautiful fall leaves 🙂 and put it in a time capsule. Bury it somewhere and send gratitude into the universe and beyond!
    18. Take a road trip or walk to see the changes

    Need more inspiration? Here’s a marsh mellow toast to another blog who offers some Fall Fun Things to do https://www.nickandalicia.com/2019/09/10-activities-to-do-this-autumn-fall-bucket-list-printable.html/

    Happy Falling into Fall! Marsh mellow toasts to all of you. Enjoy the season, on purpose!

    childhood, death, life

    Let’s Get Out of the Way

    Gallery | Posted on by Jill Telford

    Photo by Leo Arslan on Pexels.com

    Remember playing when you thought no one was looking? How did you feel? The freedom? The boredom? Making up unique games. The risk-taking. Facing challenges. Realizing that chanting “I think I can” works and just when you thought you couldn’t, you did it!

    That’s what happens when we get out of the way of our children. In fact, we get out of the way of our own selves, too. Let them live and enjoy childhood. Let us enjoy, too! Life. Life is for living not dying. Living the adventures of it all and perhaps, that will carry us all forward into their grown up years and our grown up years continued.

    education, earlyed, behavior, development, children, family, help

    Presents or Presence?

    Gallery | Posted on by Jill Telford

    Photo by Vlada Karpovich on Pexels.com

    Before you buy a bunch of stuff for people for holidays or birthdays…ask them what kind of gift do they want or need? What do you want to give?

    Do they need the gift of quality time? Do they need the gift of service? Do they need some affirmation? Do they need to dance? Do they need a meaningful gift?

    Keep it simple and ask what they need. Listen carefully.

    Do they need any help?

    Do they need someone to listen over a cup of cocoa coffee tea?

    Maybe they need a kid free night.

    If it’s for a child…could it be something they really want to do?

    Maybe they could use a home cooked meal. 

    Maybe they don’t know what to ask for or are too embarrassed to ask.

    Maybe you can be the one who gives them what they need instead buying more stuff.

    Maybe make something for them.

    In fact, I wrote a book about this theme of too much stuff entitled:

    The Stuffed House. https://www.amazon.com/Stuffed-House-Jill-Telford/dp/1484182316 and https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/18218199

    It encourages donating stuff you no longer need or use. It also uses personification to bring humor to having too much stuff! We cannot take all of these things when we level up aka when we die. So, again, let’s ask: “presents or presence?”

    education, earlyed, behavior, development, children, family, help

    Three Gifts: Time, Talent and Treasure

    Gallery | Posted on by Jill Telford

    Photo by Matej on Pexels.com
    Photo by Josh Willink on Pexels.com

    Out of the three gifts we all possess, this little blog nugget will center on: the gift of time.

    Please take a moment and take at least twenty minutes today and each day to do something with your kiddo. No commands, no goals, just be present in the moment. Give the gift of time and presence. We are here to become memories for them.

    Shhhhh. Do not give directions. Be quiet and follow their lead. Listen. Actively listen. Really and truly listen. No interruptions. Just be in the moment. No questions asked.

    Play, be in the moment.

    education, earlyed, behavior, development, children, family, help

    One Day at a Time

    Gallery | Posted on by Jill Telford

    Photo by julie aagaard on Pexels.com

    The biggest adventure you can take is to fulfill your dreams one day at a time.

    Life is not a checklist of all of the daily to do’s. Life is not a to do but an active pursuit of doing. Life is adventure when you do what you want to do. Actively and passionately living it will bring you joy. Presence is necessary daily. While others are making plans, choose to live. Dig deep to plant some roots. Even the flowers of life have roots. Where do your roots run? Where does the stem grow? Where does the crown reach?

    Imagine for a moment if you will that you fall asleep one evening not ever to wake up again.

    And while you sleep…your life flashes before your eyes.

    How did you live it?

    Did you choose peace? Did you choose war? Did you choose violence? Did you choose love? Did you choose the dark? Did you choose the light?

    We have the power to choose.

    Choose the active verb of life.

    Live.

    And, by all means, live it well.