How do you show up for yourself? How do you take care of you? In order to care for others, you have to take care of yourself first.
While reading Don’t Believe Everything You Think and No Mud, No Lotus, two things simultaneously occurred. 1. Mindfulness is in every step we take: yoga is in each and every single way we move and in every single thing we do. 2. Be present, miracles happen there.
Read, journal, draw, dance like no one is watching because they are not. Do your thing, and do it well. Show up. Take care of yourself well.
Imagine you and your family are out at a pool. Your child is having a blast to the point his fingers are wrinkled from the water. The sun is shining and sunscreen was a cinch to apply because the spray kind was created. You’ve all been out in the sun for about two hours. You make the call to head home. Your child says, “Five more minutes, pleeeeease”. You say, “Ok”. Five minutes pass and you say alright let’s go but he wants to negotiate another five. You say no it’s time to go. You see water on his face that is not from the pool but his tears. He starts crying that he wants to stay. He runs away, yelling he doesn’t want to leave and throws himself on the grass. You carry him to the car feeling defeated and deflated.
Everything pretty much a toddler and preschooler does is developmentally appropriate including many of the following challenging behaviors:
Ignoring you
Yelling
Throwing food, etc.
Spitting
Not Sharing
Tantruming
Not “sitting still”
Not “listening”
Hitting
Biting
This happens as children grow and learn about this brand new world. While we’ve been here for decades, they have been here for a few years. They don’t have the plethora of experiences that we have. Think about that. Our brain is fully developed while their brain is still growing. What they do and how they act during this time is not a reflection of who you are as a parent. They are not “bad”. Neither are you as a parent “bad” at parenting.
In those moments, they need you more than ever to be still with them. Give yourself and your child space as they navigate big feelings. It’s hard to label how upset they are that they have to leave. When it gets calm be present with them and re-enact the scenario and what would be done differently next time. Label what you saw and validate feelings including your own. Give reasons why. Keep it simple, direct and clear. Keep calm and carry on.
Next time you find yourself in the middle of a meltdown or tantrum with your children: give space, follow through on what you said, be there when they are ready to talk, label what you saw and use it as a teachable moment for what to do differently next time. Hug them, tell them you love them but not the behavior. Give yourself grace as their parent. You got this.
Ps. Need more tips: here is a helpful article featured on Understood
I walked to my mailbox. I physically opened my quiet and subtle mailbox not my loud and pinging gmail inbox. No need to sign on or even click on anything. I opened my literal real 3D mailbox outside of my home and took out a piece of real mail. Real paper. Real ink. Real love. I am afraid of clowns but as I saw the clown nose with the stethoscope; my heart fluttered like a hummingbird and sang like one too! I screamed and danced love and gratitude. I opened the letter and read the words from none other than Patch Adams himself who deeply inspires and resonates like the same beating of a drum except its the same beating of a heart. I am grateful.
I am deeply moved and inspired by his genius and caring way of being. His message was to catch the sunrises and sunsets. He told me to read poetry by Emily Dickinson. He told me to write and make art. He said many times when we feel low and down that something is missing. That something could be and is the creative arts for our soul.
He listened as he read my letter. He knew what I was deeply missing as I was in the midst and mixture of a rat race not life. When we feel lost or “off”, a feeling of not being ourselves, of not feeling the essence of our being, we miss our core human way of being…our art, our creation, our time, our love…the greatest gift that we give ourselves and emit to the world.
We are merely working to survive not working to thrive. I jumped off the rat wheel, stopped running and racing. Instead I walked into love.
I can’t merely live to work. I work to live. Connection. Love. Life-long learning. L-o-v-e. Real love. Jump, slow down and walk into it. How do you show love to yourself? How do you show love to those around you and your environment?
From the Playground 