What Does Your Happiness Look Like?

Carpe Diem, friends. Recently, my college students wrote about a Ted Talk and also chose an article that casts doubt on it. A student chose one about happiness.

After the presentation I asked them, “What does your happiness look like?” My student from Catalonia asked me what mine looks like and told me that I should have a blog all about life especially social revolutions and happiness. I thought of John Lennon and then it got me thinking about my happiness and the moments when I’m really happy.

So what does my happiness look like? 

I told my students: “Mine looks like a plastic chair, really any chair or even the ground anywhere in the sunshine, lounging with a pile of books at my feet.”

Then I remembered when I visited my hometown after many years, I pulled out a plastic chair and books, sat in the sun and I saw my neighbor Frank.

When he saw me in my sister’s backyard doing that, he smiled and said, “I haven’t seen you since high school! And, you still love that. “It’s true and another fun fact is that I also love-love-love the little things like watching ants and wondering if a raindrop can be smaller than a mouse’s fingertips? Shout out to the poet ee cummings.

Another source where my happiness grows from is the kind of happiness working, growing and learning with children as they remind us of the small things. Each and every single day. They remind me to Live Life to the Fullest. To be in the moment. To remember that it is a process. We are all in a process of becoming. When we think we know, we have no idea.

When I was around 8 years old, my father gave me a book after he got out jail entitled: Live Each Day to the Fullest featured here in the image and that is exactly what I plan on and am doing.

Everyone Lies. Where Do We Draw the Line?

There are many reasons why we do or say things the way we do. The truth makes some of us uncomfortable. It is said “truth hurts”. However, it is always better for us to be 100% real with each other than to pretend. That is if we want to form long lasting relationships built on trust.

On the other hand, think about your day-to-day life. How often do you lie? How often do you think you are lied to? Call it lying or being untruthful, both are the same. A lie is a lie is a lie.

One of the biggest lessons to learn is to protect your heart. Share it but protect it. Deception and betrayal are real.

When you catch someone in the act of lying how do you feel? It’s easy and natural to feel betrayed, hurt, and/or angry.  How about when a child lies to you? The feelings echo the same sentiments.  But want the honest truth? It’s normal and typical to lie.

Everyone lies at some point; however, we do have the choice to be truthful.  When you want to get off the phone you may say something like: “I have to take this other call, it’s urgent” or “I have a meeting in five minutes”. How about minimizing something such as running a red light as you are pulled over for it. Why do we do this? In the depths of our being, we are hoping to get out of paying the ticket. Most of all, when we lie we want to get out of or away with something.

It all comes down to solving our problems realistically even if it hurts. Hurting is good if it is equivalent to growing pains.  We need to teach and guide children to face the problem and solve it, not find a way to get out of problems or find excuses for them.

We wonder why children lie. The answer is the same as why adults lie in general.

  • To avoid hurting someone else’s feelings- white lie
  • To avoid getting caught or getting in trouble- not so white lie
  • To get attention- white or not depends on the situation
  • To get out of doing something that we do not want to- white lie?
  • To lead separate lives- not white at all
  • To establish self identity or pretend identity- not white at all

When addressing lying with children, don’t make things complicated. Understand the underlying cause and address the root cause of it.

  • Be specific about the situation (Don’t beat around the bush)
  • Be simple, clear and direct
  • Assure them that honesty is valued and lying has more negative consequences than the mistakes themselves.
  • Don’t close up, always be open
  • Do not argue
  • Give a consequence if a natural one did not present itself
  • If you give a consequence, ensure it connects to what happened (for example, if she lied about doing her homework and instead played video games, state you will not be able to play your video games especially not until homework is complete)

We all have values. Many people talk about honesty but the reality is that many people lie. It’s a problem that can be solved by modeling honesty and integrity in every way of being. It is about walking the walk. Action speaks louder than words.  

In the meantime, we can teach and coach our children to show others who they really are with courage and integrity. We can teach them to own their mistakes and learn from them instead of covering them up or running away from them. This is the way we can make a change. Now and in the future.